Mosaics

Today I attempted a past life regression. I meditated with a CD and became quite comfy in my white cocoon of protective light. I waited for the imagery to appear, where was I -- what was the date -- who was I? Slowly swirling lights and graphic shapes became sort of dancing into view. As I realized I was just watching dancing graphic cloudy shapes, I started to kind of talk to myself about the images. Why are you showing me foggy fire-like shadows-oh wait that looks like a silhouette of a palm tree against a stormy sky. I watched the palm tree, the storm come into view and then vanish. I waited and was thinking about the bright robin egg blue light that was forming in the distance when slowly it became a broken tiled floor- a mosaic floor with missing tiles- a dirty floor, with a very old cast iron bathtub. I was looking at the tub and it vanished more shadows, more red fiery images--bright reds, glowing oranges, then a hillside and a man with fair hair looking over his shoulder at me--he was wearing clothes that had fabric over one shoulder-maybe a sash and a long sleeved white shirt. And then he disappeared into a fog of light--then a cat meowed out my bedroom door and bam I was awake...damn cat. But as I waited to focus, stretch and rise- I thought of the man. I did not know him--but he was wearing the same color of the tiled floor pieces. Same blue. Only fragments and shapes today...what is this mosaic in my life?

What's up with the cave?

Each day is a journey. I start with a meditation CD and allow myself to sink into a deep relaxation. I listen to the therapist instruct me into reaching toward a memory stored in my past. Connecting to "my soul's truth" she calls it. Images appear, sometimes like a dream sometimes very sharp and clear. They continue to be a cave with sunlight streaming in. I cannot leave the cave--I have tried. But recently directly after the cave, I saw myself as a young girl in my parents house looking out the window at other children playing. I think I was around 10. They were taunting me because I had been sent to my room and was not allowed outdoors. I didn't think of this until after the meditation. What is with the cave and me as a young girl on a summer happy day being cooped up in my room hearing laughter?
Then yesterday I saw several images very clear. Myself as a young child trying to mount a black horse-I kept hopping trying to get my foot in stirrup as the horse danced in circles--then myself high up on a cliff looking down to a beautiful shore. I knew instinctively there was no way down the cliff and I stood there feeling--oh great...no way down.

Many Lives Many Masters

I shared my energy massage experience with a neighbor (not even realizing she had experience with this) and she told me to read a book Many Lives Many Masters by Dr. Brian L. Weiss. I did and something about this book clicked. Soon I was using meditation CDs daily. I began my quest to go back and visit my past life experiences. I decided to seek professional help and discovered someone who uses regression hypnosis as a tool. I made an appointment with Nancy Canning and tried very hard to clear my mind as she is clairvoyant and I wanted a blank slate.
She taped my session. After taking all of my generic history-age, parents name, siblings, children marital status, etc - she explained the procedure. She explained I would remain conscious and totally in control--and NO I could not get "stuck" in a trance or be told to bark like a dog or other Vegas type antics.
She darkened the room and began to instruct me with clues to a deep relaxation, using Yoga breathing which I was familiar with. The session lasted 90 minutes. As I have listened to the recording twice I am still digesting what I heard myself say.
I was unable to travel back at first--and she helped me discover why my mind was setting up blocks. She took me back to age 6 when I felt I needed to analyze every situation. I was told to answer the phone and lie to a bill collector for my parents--apparently this was a trauma for me (crap I never thought twice about it--or did I?) Again another block age 16 a Ouija board--I kept asking it when I would marry and whom--DIE...DEATH...DEAD it spelled every time I played, hence I literally took an ax to it and chopped it up and then burned it in my back yard--and bam into the church I flew. So after helping me recognize my barriors, she was able to take me back and address my leg pain. She actually talked to the pain and asked when it first appeared and why. I then saw images-- dry grass, trees, a forest with deep shadows, me behind a line of men marching, saw the backs and knew I was a part of the group. We were ambushed, I saw spears, clouds of dust and I began to cry feeling the pain of the men. I had no clue as to my location or what anyone including myself was wearing. She then asked me to move ahead--I saw rocks, then fur like a hide of an animal, then I saw an ocean below me and finally I was in a cave with a sunny entrance beyond where I could see nothing but strong sunlight. She kept talking all the while to the leg pain asking-why it came what was it's purpose-I replied "to stop her" stop her from what-what was going on in your life in  2006? -- "I was going to Scotland I have done ancestry research and the land was calling me. She said think of a specific place that calls you now--the name Aberdeen appeared like a movie screen white type on black screen. She said--where is this? Scotland I said--it feels like home. I kind of teared up and was unable to talk much more. Nancy then brought me back to the present time where I stretched and came awake.  She said she felt a sense that the leg pain was stopping me from going to the UK as I had a fear I would not return to America. Oh well, this was her thoughts and I am still letting all of this experience settle into me... I'll keep writing as I now meditate daily using regression CDs.

It all began

I went to a women's Herbal Symposium-stayed in a  tepee with 5 women (daughter with me) the weather was cold and rainy for 3 straight days and dipped to 32º in evening on night before I left, I wandered over to the "wellness tent" where first aid and general advice for problematic health issues was dispensed they also gave wonderful massages and just lots of women pampering. I was cold and ready to go.  I signed my name up for a massage and when i went to my appointed time. It was pouring the talent show which is annually held around the campfire was moved within the "wellness tent" and they were canceling all massages my masseuse asked if I could reschedule--and as I was leaving next day she agreed to just do a massage on table in corner out of the way.
Microphones were setting up--crowd was sitting-kids singing-instruments tuning
I was there for a nice body massage ( my fellow tent person gave me a neck massage on day 1 as she is also in the massage therapy field) so here I lay all ready for nice Spa treatment
~
She told me to close my eyes and asked if I had any specific health issues
I said yes, chronic pain in right leg for years--she said concentrate on the pain and describe it and do this with eyes shut and breathing through the pain. I just lay there waiting for all the rubbing of tired cold achy muscles to commence and thought of my leg nothing--no touching occurred
I felt immense heat at my toes and ankles and peeked to see her standing at my feet eyes shut hands out and mumbling. great...so this was my "energy massage"
crap
she told me keep breathing and not to worry all was going fine. I stayed still and concentrated on my leg. The room was now loud crazy talent show going on --as she moved up to my sides I felt a rush of shivering coldness
I was startled and I tensed
she spoke calming me and asked me to keep doing deep breathing
as she moved to my head I was shivering and she got more blankets
I started to feel... and this part was freaky
I felt wind in my face like i was in the rain at the helm of a ship--or a moving open air vehicle--sounds odd but I began to cry and was shivering, she told me just relax and concentrate on my leg
she massaged my temples and I started to feel better--warmer slightly
she then kept speaking softly and told me to think of any sounds-tastes-images-smells that were associated with my leg pain. she moved around me slowly and ended by long warm strokes on legs and arms, tapped me and told me to rise when I was able
I was drained
I couldn't rise yet and she went to get me OJ
I was so out of sorts with what just took place
what just DID happen to me?
where was my spa treatment--and what the hell good is an "energy massage" that leaves you drained?
she came back and said
"tell me about Scotland"
huh? scotland?
yes
what can you tell me about Scotland?
well I'm doing ancestry research and I have tried to connect some dots because I feel drawn there
yes she said you are
ok i said are you a seer?
tell me more about what you just felt
wait I said
why scotland?
she said I saw you there
okkkkk I have visited it and I was doing a watercolor for the Historical Society of Scotland
yes--well you will not find this answer in any books she laughed
what happened to me?
you fought in the battle of Culloden (she pronounced it wrong KILL I DIN ) and you have a deep deep wound that you have just connected with
wait Isaid
I dreamed a painting of the battlefield and sketched it before my trip to Scotland--when I was at Culloden it was a muddy empty moor and the tourist group almost left without me--i couldn't leave the place stunned that i had sketched in the US what i had dreamed and now saw it in person -same landscape-- I could teach a class on this event 4,500 men died in 45 minutes and the clan system died that day along with the freedom to where their tartans
yes she said no doubt
you have a pattern
Ibelieve you run away
run away?
yes a pattern--you tend to run
I said I was a fast runner as a child...
no run away from things in your life
oh
i just moved to Key West
yes, I think you may have left the battlefield wounded
crap
so wait...
you see me from fighting in 1744 and i have a wound in my leg?
yes
wait...I'M A GUY???
yes
I cannot deal with this
I know she said
you need to find someone that can continue helping you with this pain--an eastern medicine energy masseuse but that's only IF you ever have it again
wait--you think it will be gone?
very much so
I saw auras and you are a very very strong person who needs to tap that strength and open that door
yikes--this is way tooo heavy for me
ok I know let me take your email info and i will send you some info
in the meantime
journal-write everything about your leg--every item is a clue as to what brings it on
crap--can't you just massage the hell out of it?
I called upon spiritual healers and spirits to assist and guide you in this journey to help you find the connection to the pain
great--I don't believe in that
well that's ok---they were here
ummm ok
thanks....i'll keep ya posted on my pain

I walked in a daze back to my tent pondering the experience
I woke very early
it was freezing cold and misty
a few had gathered around the campfire
she was sitting alone--her name is Marg she is from Canada and i really think I was meant to have met her--it was her first trip to this even as well as mine
she sat and smiled
I sat beside her and said this is all pretty damn freaky
she gave me a name of a book FOCUS
I said ok--if you have helped eradicate my leg pain-- I will be thrilled and read any book you want to throw at me
I told her dragonflies seem to be following me for a few yrs now--hell I have them in my own graphic artist logo now and have them as refrigerator magnets and they have even followed me into a restaurant LADIES ROOM!
she smiled and said--yep dragonflies that stay near is the sign of a person strong in the spirits
hell i thought it was dad
:)